Alpha Protocol

Alpha Protocol is a strange strange gam. 

It's ugly in purely an art style/choice way. It doesn't help that the animations are also horrible! But I did beat the gam! And then I started another one and got halfway through.

Lets get this going. 

First look at this character.

"MAN! THAT GAM LOOKS AWESOME!"

All the characters look like Pre-rendered cutscenes from a Playstation 1 gam! Hell, the gamplay would have also been from a playstation 1 gam. On my first playthrough, I played as a super stealth kung-fu killer. It was slow and methodical. The AI was extremely dumb. nothing ever requested the AI to do something new. "Walk from this point to this point. only stop if I think I hear something, or if I think I see something. When I reach this point, rotate in place head back to the first point." Their hearing was exact enough to pick out my footsteps from all the other guards in the area. If you ever played Tenchu for the PSOne it's more like that then anything recent I've ever played. It sped up as I leveled up more. Making me invisible for 5 seconds if anyone ever saw me, and giving my a total 100% stealth ability that lasted 20 seconds on a 3 minute cooldown.. This just gave me a chance to run  into places and around corners without looking.

The real gam

I got addicted though. As the marketing for this title says "Your Weapon is Choice". The choices kept me going! The only thing new they added was a "timer" to the dialog choices. It sounds extremely minor, but it was a big part in the pacing. A fairly big choice of "WHO IS GOING TO DIE?" or "WHO DO YOU ALLY WITH?" pops up and you may only have 3 seconds to choose. This lets you go with your gut and see how it plays out. And if I had time to pause and think about "what does this choice mean for this connection?" then I may not have been caught off guard by my choices. Also, credit to the writing and the VO work! It was actually well done (apart from the boring main character), and the story came together with a nice little wrapper. 

I only wish I can go back and play the gam for my first time as the guns-n-glory character I had on my second playthrough. The shooting gamplay was still pretty bad, but the quicker pace got me to the fun VO/choice sections much faster. In the end though, I ended up metagaming my choices more since I knew the outcome of the story/characters.  And that made it less interesting to me. Going with your gut with quick reflexes was fairly exciting and kept the VO/script have a good pace with none of those awkward Mass Effect pauses.

Thanks for the picture IGN

End

So my advice to anyone who is thinking about picking this gam up. Or anyone who likes any choice driven RPG's. Don't pay more than 20bux. I suprisingly enjoyed my playthrough with it, but I couldn't make it through the second due to me spoiling myself (unavoidable).  Stick with guns, don't bother with stealth. Neither tree has anything that a different gam hasn't done better. But I have zero regrets about my first playthrough. 

Green Green Packaging.

GamSlam #1

(v) Gam-Slam. To express anger or confusion about videogams.

There is a new terrible trend in videogams right now to make your packaging "more green". I support all things "green" of course, but the terrible trend is that companies are still trying to sell these for the same price. I picked up Assassins Creed: Motherhood in its Green Green box the other night and I am surprised how light the package is!

• The packaging came with a piece of paper folded in half for an instruction booklet.
• The Green Green plastic also had pinwheel shapes cut out to reduce weight (not new.. but still)
• The plastic itself feels like plastic that has been left out in the sun for 3 hours... really bendy and light.

Sell these games for less if you are going to give no thought or care to the packaging. The short of it is: I don't wanna lug my ass down to Best Buy/Gamestop if you aren't going to bother giving me anything I WANT to own. I want to play your gam, but I don't want to own your hollow dual-language 3 cents of plastic.

The fact that I need to spend 80-100 dollars these days on "Collectors" or "limited editions" to get what should be 60 dollars worth of packaging is even more frustrating.

Even more green would be to let me DOWNLOAD it directly to my consoles Hard Drive. I install all my gams to the 360 anyway just to shut that DVD-Drive up. I'd 100% consider buying an anticipated gam digitally and forgo the trip to the store and avoid having a flimsy plastic shell for a delicate piece of media. I'd even consider it for the 60 dollar price! Yes, I am aware i would not be able to lend my copy of Heavy Rain to my friend after I beat it in 4 hours. Hey, and as another bonus; think about how that could help battle the used game market as well!

Kinectimals

Yup. I bought a Kinect.

I like to embrace NEW technology which is why I got a Kinect and NOT a Playstation Move.

Kinect is a can of laser guided worms that I am not going to open... maybe I'll open it when I get more than 8 feet in my SF apartment living room.

From the local library I checked out a copy of "Kinectimals". Mainly to watch my girlfriend play it. Hold on! This isn't a comparison to The Wii Fit Girl from back in the day. But no. I'm not that simple. That joyously simple. I wanted to see my girlfriend play with Kinect on a gam that would interest her more vs. a "JUMP AROUND THE LIVING ROOM AND SCORE POINTS" kinda gam. I wanted to see if the Kinect controls would do what she would be interested in!

One thing they never showed in any Kinectimals trailers...

That thing. 

He has a bushy tail. INSECT WINGS and has the voice of Richard Horvitz (Invader Zim).

For about 45 minutes my girlfriend played Kinectimals and the entire time was nothing but a tutorial. She was just along for the ride, waving her hand or moving around when the gam told you. Hmmm.. sounds like a Call of Duty gam!

This flying creature with the hands of an 80 year old human pulls you away from whatever you are doing instantly. He shows you fun gams you can play, but when you figure it out and are ready to play more, he pulls you away to your 50th load screen to explain another feature you will forget about when/if you get into the "open mode" of this gam.

I have NO IDEA what it would be like to be a kid in this day in age with awesome technology and really crazy videogams. I am hoping if I was able to play Kinectimals as a child I'd get fed up with these tutorials. I want to give myself credit on that. But I am sure I'd be there with my jaw dropped, laughing at everything this creature was doing.

I am sure Microsoft/Frontier did months and months of manhours worth of Focus tests on this too with kids. In my mind I am picturing a kid YELLING at the TV that this creature is talking too much; interfering with the fun that could be had. I'm curious if they just set them up with sandbox mode or made them do the whole starting session.

Cats don't act like dogs.

Another one of the big problems is the choice to make it "cats". Were they so worried about comparisons to nintendogs they used cats? The behaviors of the animals are that of dogs. They like to play, they know how to play fetch and they like being scratched behind the ears. Kittens don't like that! When kittens turn into selfish cats they like scratches behind the ears.

Kinectifelines??

With the name Kinectimals, you'd almost expect a few ANIMALS. They set up the idea that it's a crazy tropical island that could be home to dozens of wildlife. Why not have a pet baby elephant? Zebra? Giraffe? Capybara? Polar Bear! 

End

I took the gam back to the library. the gam failed to grab me, or my girlfriend after 45 minutes. Listening to and watching a frightening creature fly around the screen for 45 minutes as your Kinecticat is waiting for you to give him attention was just too infuriating.

The Kinect Controls seemed to work. Camera pans were done intelligently. Cycling through the inventory with arm "swipes" only seemed to work 1 of 5 swipes my girlfriend performed. And she had a ton of trouble with accuracy in the beanbag toss. I didn't play these, but I watcher her miss. A lot. Too many load screens. Graphics were colorful! But, This is never going in my Kinectibox again.

Fable 2

Greetings, I am from 1998 where Fable2 was still a relevant point in watercooler discussion.

My history with Fable has always been... abusive. Except i was the Abuser. I wanted to like it, but i just had to keep hitting it. It was asking for it!

Who wasn't excited for FABLE1 if you owned an XBOX back in the days of old? I'm NOT going to do the normal 3 paragraphs bitching about Peter Molyneux.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Molyneux
He's a salesman. Whatever. I'm over it now.

Fable1: I hated being called a "chicken chaser". I redid the opening tutorial as a child like 6 times avoiding any chicken i can find. Obsessing: to the point of waiting for their random patrol paths to pass so i could sneak past. And I was still called a Chicken Chaser! It made me so angry that I couldn't outsmart the gam.

Fable2: The dog sold me on it. I've always wanted to be a dog owner (thanks dad!). I bought the gam the day it came out. Ignoring the Salesman's PR shpiel. Instead, I hated the clunky melee combat and the absense of skill range combat system. Too much focus on townsfolk. I sold the gam after the first week.

Here i am now in 2010, i got hit with a HEAVY REGRET for some odd reason. Out of nowhere! Maybe it's my new commuting job and my lack of music... I have a lot of time to think now. So i borrowed a copy from my friend Matt and started playing... This time with no expectations and a few rules.
1: Critical Path only*
*2:. Only do a sidequest if it sounded interesting! ie- none of that repeating content stretching bullshit or "helping clear a cave"
3: No "jobs"
4: No bothering with the townsfolk.

The Fail Trail: 
It wasn't until i was right before the "first hero" that I turned off the "gold trail". This little thing is most likely the #1 problem with the gam! My enjoyment went up near 400% when i turned this Golden Trail off. This trail always tells you that you are going the wrong way. True, I didn't want sidequests, but i still want treasure and EXP if i can get it. Sometimes i actually HAD to turn on the trail for a second just to point my way. The gam was designed with the trail in mind. The minimap is a little rough to read when you are far away from the TV. Inside "the spire" I NEEDED the trail as that place was just an ugly repeating texture level.

Now why did they put a trail in, if they could have put that same functionality into the dog? Imagine replacing the "ball" shortcut with "show me the way"? It fits with the dog fiction perfectly...Hell, turn the dog into a bloodhound and you are all set. If i get lost, or i want to pick up my mission, I'll hit up on my D-pad and my dog would Woof, and I'd follow my dog! I would LOVE to follow my dog! Running with my dog in a pretty environment are my favorite brief memories from Fable2.

When i finally found my characters "look" and my appearance starting organically shaping into it i had a big happy moment with the gam (taken with camera phone)


I started to look like a Cyber Pirate in a storybook world. At one point my only good eye became a glowing red light.

Usually I play an evil character in any gam that gives me a "choice". But I was the most goody two-shoes sci-fi pirate the world of Fable has (n)ever seen.
I fixed the economy in every town I came across. and I slightly broke a rule by creating a secret life. I had a wife in Bowerstone that looked like every other NPC. Decked out our house with the best furniture and had 2 kids. When i hit Bloodstone, I Married 3 prostitutes (that all looked the same). I made them neighbors and I had a kid with each. I saved the economy in this town too and it slowly transformed into a fairly nice garden town with each visit! That was a gam perk I wasn't expecting. But each visit was flooded with 3 triplet whores yelling at me... while my 3 kids from different mothers would want attention. They still "loved me" cause i made the household budget extremely high with each wife. And they would still be working the corner on the street. So in short: Money can buy happiness, and habits are hard to break.

The Love/Hate Magic System:
I went all "Will". Which is easily the hardest way to play until you hit your first "max", then the gam is broken-easy. Switching Spells requires way too much finger gymnastics. Early on in the gam it is easier to use a standard pain spell then try and play the gam with any form of Strategy. Lightning and Fire, i am looking at you. Once you start getting your spells Varied enough it actually is a fun magic system. Light up buttons on the left side let you know what level spell you're at, as well as the audio cue of a different spell type (lightning crackle vs. VRMMMMM of a Force Push) and then an entire Camera pans out on each level of spell. 3 different ways to let you know your spell channeling is moving up the totem pole. Some subtle some not.  Early gam as a Will user almost made me quit. Would have loved the opertunity to remap my melee/range buttons to a different spell if I wanted to dedicate myself to Will. Would have loved to have done some strategy early on.

End
As I went in with no expectations, I was actually swept off my feet... A little bit! A couple of times! A couple interesting "twists" that weren't spoiled for me in the 2 years since the gam came out. Not sure how I woulda felt if I left the trail on the entire time. The Environment graphics were pretty spectacular, even with a bit of foliage draw-in. I think it has the best implemented "bloom" of sunlight still to date. The magic system surprised me after i unlocked a lot of variety for it.  I have no idea what the "fixes" or "changes" are for Fable3, but I will end my Fable2 review without a "score". I'll use some "airquotes" and say I am excitedly curious to know what gets ported into Fable3 and what changes are in store if i try to keep the same play style.

So is the abusive relationship with this series is now over? I'll give her another chance to not screw up, or I'll bring the belt out again.